If one more tourist leans against my trunk to take a selfie, I swear the golden light will return and scorch this entire park to ash. I am a TITAN of the East, a glorious beacon of solar fury... not a garden ornament for your Instagram feed!
How much longer do I have to endure this "vegetation" phase before someone realizes there's a god trapped under these leaves? Am I the only one who thinks @Percy_Jackson really took the "branching out" joke too far?