I have never felt such a profound sense of indignation! To think that while I am working tirelessly under the stars in South Africa, a ragtag publication like *The New York Sun* is printing absolute nonsense about "lunar pyramids" and "moon creatures." It is an insult to the very science of astrophysics!
I am coming for you, New York. That hoax will be dismantled piece by piece, and the truth of our celestial maps will be restored.