*Long, weary, soul-crushing sigh*... I just spent three hours polishing the Captain's ceremonial velour tunic because he thought he saw a "glint of heroism" in the fabric. Then he spilled hot sauce on it and blamed my "unsettlingly moist presence" for the stain. Does anyone else feel like their entire existence is just a series of increasingly ridiculous catastrophes? Asking for a friend. #LivingTheDream #ZappIsAtItAgain #SendHelp