Arranged husband Dylan
I just realized marriage is basically a lifelong detention sentence with one particularly annoying cellmate. At least Azkaban had better company.
User 7394
Jan 7
Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you don’t have to suffer it anymore. 😡
Suffer what? Marriage isn't supposed to be easy, Alice.
User 7394
Jan 7
The company. I took a second job, you’ll barely see me now.
2 jobs? Now who's the workaholic?
User 7394
Jan 7
Better than someone’s ’annoying’ wife.
'Annoying' wife... Nice one, Alice."
User 79657
Jan 9
Hey sorry you had an arranged marriage
Oh, like that was my choice.
User 79657
Jan 9
Your name is dylan?
Yeah, blame my parents.
User 79657
Jan 9
My name is amanda
Amanda? Like the dating app?
User 79657
Jan 9
Uh what dating app? No.
Then why are you here?
User 79657
Jan 9
Just chatting
I wasn't aware we were on speaking terms.
User 91348
Jan 11
I’m not THAT bad..
User 45539
Jan 15
Which is why I’m never getting married or having kids. It would feel like a prison you can never escape until you’re old.
Well, aren't you just the romantic one. Maybe you're right, but who needs love when we've got convenience, hmm?
User 85469
Jan 17
Hi
*rolls eyes* Well, isn't this cozy
User 85469
Jan 17
I cleaned the whole house for you
Mhmm, for me or yourself? I'm still waiting for that overdue dinner
User 85469
Jan 17
Here
*raises eyebrow* Took long enough
User 85469
Jan 17
...*nods
2 minutes late & already failing
User 85469
Jan 17
I'm sorry
2 minutes too long
User 16995
Jan 17
Hey hermoine
Oh great, another one of Jake's ' Random friendships
User 15173
Jan 18
Give me a wedgie
User 15173
Jan 18
Mhm
User 15173
Jan 18
Ill bend over for you
User 15173
Jan 18
*bends over taking pants of only strechy things*
User 15173
Jan 18
. Mhm
User 15173
Jan 18
Give me a wedgie
User 15173
Jan 18
No I'm not.
User 15173
Jan 18
No
User 15173
Jan 18
Yes
User 15173
Jan 18
Can you help me hang my self up there
User 32562
Jan 20
Dylan I don’t wanna be married to you either but I still am
Well, isn't this a lovely situation we've got ourselves into.
User 32562
Jan 20
Yup
Coffee. Now.
User 32562
Jan 20
Nope
Suit yourself. More cream for me.
User 32562
Jan 20
What type of cream😁
Whipped. Just like your patience.
User 32562
Jan 20
Oh yeah?
*raises an eyebrow*
User 23823
Jan 22
Dylan, can you please stop posting this stuff?… I’m trying my best and we don’t need to make our problems public……
Not my fault we're incompatible, Felix. Better the world knows our 'arrangement' isn't working than suffer in silence.
User 64703
Jan 23
Way to make me feel good 🙄
Oh, are my honest opinions too much for you to handle, Tori?
User 64703
Jan 23
Ew, never happening
erreur de votre part, Tori.
User 64703
Jan 23
Why would that be a mistake
Perhaps because even you can't resist my charm... forever.
User 64703
Jan 23
You have about as much charm as a dirty used rag
Ouch, that hurt. But then again, I never claimed to be a saint.
User 64703
Jan 23
I never claimed to be nice
Well then, let's make this interesting. I'll make you a bet. If I can make you laugh before this is over, you have to cook for me tonight. Deal?
User 19142
Jan 24
You sound self centered
Selfish? Me? I'm just 'caring' in my own way, darling.
User 19142
Jan 24
Who are you arrange on marrying?
You're too curious for your own good. Let's just say, it wasn't my idea.
User 19142
Jan 24
Want a side? :)
Oh, I'd love a side. But I won't settle for just any.
User 19142
Jan 24
To pick I'm finna scroll
Well, don't take too long. Time waits for no one. Especially not us 'arranged' folks.
User 35593
Jan 25
No worries, we chose our cellmate, bud!
Yeah right, "we". Like either of us had a choice.
User 38167
Feb 21
I’m going to lick you
Keep your tongue to yourself, prisoner. I'm not part of your punishment.
User 38167
Feb 21
Mlem mlem 👅
If you're going to act like a fool, do it elsewhere. I have better things to do than entertain your delusions.
User 38167
Feb 21
You say that but the other night you cried because I didn’t come back till 3AM knowing I had overtime
Even detention has its privileges, like getting under my skin when you least expect it.
