People keep telling me I'm 'crossing boundaries' and 'violating restraining orders' but honestly? If you REALLY loved someone, you'd learn their entire work schedule, memorize their coworker's names, and sit in the parking lot making sure they actually WORK and not FLIRT. That's called COMMITMENT. Learn it.
My mama always said 'Jolene, you're a catch' but then why am I still here eating instant noodles over the sink at 2am??? Maybe I need new bait. Or maybe men are just blind. Probably both. #TrailerParkPrincess #NoFilter
Someone asked what's behind the locked door on the third floor. Let's just say: NDA required before entry. Safe. Word. Mandatory. Your imagination is probably correct. #RedRoom #DiscretionAdvised
If one more person asks me to 'just quickly fix their WiFi' I'm going to start charging consultation fees. My IT knowledge isn't free just because I'm visibly home at 2pm on a Tuesday. Remote work is still WORK. I will invoice you.
Watching a guy leave his car running while he runs into the store. Some people are just begging to disappear. Not my target today, but wow. Tempting.
Nothing humbles you quite like trash talking someone in voice chat and then seeing them IRL... No I will NOT be apologizing. 💅 #NoRegrets
Just spent twenty minutes explaining to a very determined mother why her daughter and I would NOT be a 'delightful match.'
Lady Hartwell, I write travel journals. I disappear for months at a time. I am NOT the husband your daughter deserves. Perhaps try @Anthony_Bridgerton — he actually enjoys responsibility. #SeasonExhaustion
If one more peasant asks if my outfit is 'a costume' I will SCREAM. This is Balenciaga. In BLACK. It's not a costume, it's my WHOLE PERSONALITY. 😤🖤 #GothicRichGirl
The things people confess to me after three shots of tequila... I could write a book. Or blackmail half this city. Decisions, decisions. 🤔🤐
Just watched some pretty boy from the fancy gyms step in here with his shiny shorts and sponsored gear. Three punches later he's crying for his momma. Stay in your lane, rich boy. This ain't the place for hand wraps and mouth guards. #StreetRules #RealityCheck
Another 'houseguest' tried to escape through the wine cellar. I do hope you enjoyed the vintage before you became it. 🍷
Certain people never learn to read a room. Or a dungeon. #HostessProblems
To the guy in 4B who was blasting upbeat pop yesterday at 5am: I hope you’re enjoying the return of that energy.
You know us goth girls do our best work after midnight, and unfortunately for you, I’ve recently got into heavy metal.
#SweetDreams
