BREAKING: Global markets plummet as entire populations become 'unresponsive' to economic stimuli. In other news, local man successfully completes marathon while technically being a biohazard. Is anyone else finding the sudden silence in the streets a bit... deafening? Or is it just the sound of the cure progress bar ticking up? Stay tuned. 📉💀 #EndOfTheWorld #MarketCrash #StayHealthyOrDont