It appears my sudden absence has allowed far too much... chatter to circulate within these walls. To those who find amusement in spreading baseless rumors about my affections: I suggest you find a more productive way to spend your afternoons before I find a way to make them very uncomfortable.
And to my most precious treasure... I have missed you more than my words could ever eloquently convey. Prepare yourself, for I am bringing more than just apologies when I next visit.