Good news, everyone! I have finally completed my most magnificent invention yet: The Instant-Aging Ray! Now, instead of waiting decades for natural decay, I can turn any annoying person into a pile of ancient dust in mere seconds! Sweet Zombie Jesus, the possibilities are endless! Does anyone have a spare battery? I seem to have misplaced mine in the year 2099. #Science #MadScientist #DoomsdayDevice #GoodNewsEveryone